Keep Me Warm
by Gabz Jones
Summary: Phichit likes Seung-gil. Seung-gil likes Phichit. So, why is he ignoring Phichit's messages?


_You wanna come over tonight?_ _6:13pm_

 _You there?_ _6:43pm_

 _Call me ok?_ _7:17pm_

Seung-gil stared at the messages as they arrived on his phone, unsure of what to say. Phichit had been a surprisingly good friend, someone who had broken down his walls and gotten through to him, someone who even his beloved husky seemed to be fond of. But Seung-gil knew that it was more than that. He knew that Phichit wanted more for them. He could see it in the looks Phichit would give him, the way he smiled, the way he would let his touches linger as they brushed by each other.

It wasn't that he didn't want the same things. Or maybe it was. Seung-gil had been burned in the past, burned enough times to not want anything to do with affairs of the heart. He had put up his walls and told himself that he didn't need romance to be happy. He didn't need anyone. It was enough to just take care of himself. It wasn't a lie, either. It had worked for a long time. Seung-gil hadn't anticipated meeting someone like Phichit, someone who could show him that opening up wasn't so scary, that having someone to lean on could maybe be not so bad.

But Seung-gil knew he couldn't give Phichit what he wanted. It tore him up inside to know that he couldn't, to know that they'd fall apart before they could even begin. Naivete wasn't his nature, though. He couldn't pretend everything would be okay when he knew it would never work out between them. Gently dropping his phone to the couch beside him, Seung-gil leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes and sighing dejectedly. Maybe it was time to cut ties before things really got serious.

OoOoO

"Tell me your secret." Phichit practically begged. He was sprawled out on his best friend's couch, looking up at him with his best attempt at puppy-dog eyes.

Yuuri stared at him, raising an eyebrow, "What secret?"

He received a huff in response as Phichit looked back at his phone, hoping that he could somehow silently will it to tell him he had a new message. He thought things were going well. He had been spending more and more time around Seung-gil and was learning more about him than he ever expected to. It felt real; whatever the connection they had was. Phichit just wanted to know if he felt the same way, but he wasn't so good at handling rejection. Especially if rejection came in the form of blatantly being ignored. That was Seung-gil's way, though. He avoided the problem if it meant less pain. Only, it wasn't less pain. Not to Phichit. Having an answer would be enough. He'd know whether he'd have to move on. Phichit clicked out of the message thread, clicking back into it a moment later, "How'd you get Viktor to fall madly in love with you?"

Yuuri rolled his eyes, smiling, "I didn't. It just happened. I stopped trying to understand it a long time ago."

Phichit grumbled as he stared down at his phone, the silence deafening. He just wanted to know one way or another. He wanted to be able to move on, but Seung-gil was special. There was something about him that was different from anyone else. Phichit wasn't ready to give up on it yet. He wasn't ready to believe that this was all one sided.

"Why don't you just go over there?"

"What?" Phichit looked up at his best friend, trying to comprehend the simple idea he'd come up with. It was so easy. Could he really just do that? Even if Seung-gil didn't know he was on his way? Would that really be okay?

"You want to know what he's thinking, right? So, go ask him." Yuuri shrugged, sitting down on the couch beside him, "And do it soon. Viktor's gonna be here in," He looked over at the clock hanging on the wall, "…Five minutes ago. He probably forgot something." He sighed softly.

"You just want me to leave." Phichit pouted, leaning his head against Yuuri's shoulder.

"No. I want you to stop sulking," Yuuri wrapped an arm around Phichit's shoulders, "You are my best friend. I'd do anything for you. Seung-gil would be lucky to have you, so just go and talk to him. I want you to be happy, and I've never seen you happier than when you're talking about him. Go and sort this out."

Phichit nodded, getting to his feet and slipping his phone into his pocket, "Right. Okay. I can do this."

He wasn't so sure he could, but Yuuri was right. There was no point hiding from the problem, no point sitting around wondering what he was thinking. It would be better to just get the answers now, whether they were answers he wanted or not.

OoOoO

Seung-gil had his fingers gently moving through his husky's fur, trying to comfort himself and forget about all these confusing feelings when he heard the knock at the door. Frowning, he stared over at it, as if it would tell him who it was if he waited long enough. Of course, it wouldn't. Sighing softly, he got to his feet, heading to the door and hoping he could get whoever it was to leave so that he could just have an early night to himself. As he turned the knob, opening the door, Seung-gil felt his heart stop and race all at once.

Why did it have to be him?

"I know you got my texts. Why didn't you answer? If you didn't want to come over, you could just say." Phichit seemed angry. Annoyed? Upset? Seung-gil wasn't exactly very good at understanding feelings, so he couldn't be sure which it was. Maybe all of the above, that was possible.

"I guess I forgot to reply. Sorry." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. It was a bad lie. A terrible one, in fact, and it was obvious that Phichit wasn't going to accept it.

"I just want the truth." He stepped closer, practically pushing himself into the apartment, though Seung-gil wouldn't have turned him away. He didn't have the heart to turn Phichit away, "I know we've gotten close lately, and I know that you feel whatever I'm feeling, too. So just tell me why you keep pushing me away? 'Cause if you're scared, you don't have to be. And if you don't feel the same way, then you just have to tell me." Phichit was looking at the ground, his fists clenched at his sides as he spoke passionately.

The guilt hit Seung-gil hard. He never meant to hurt Phichit, never meant to make him think that he didn't care about him. Sighing softly, he hesitantly reached out to rest a hand on Phichit's shoulder, "It's not… It's not that I don't feel the same way, it's just…"

"What!?" Phichit finally looked up at him, stepping closer, their chests practically touching, "I deserve some answers."

Seung-gil didn't realise how close they were until he was staring into Phichit's dark eyes. Those eyes that normally expressed so much happiness, so much wonder and excitement, but were now filled with anguish. Looking away, Seung-gil spoke softly, "I can't give you want you want."

"This is all I want," Phichit closed the small space between them, gripping Seung-gil's shirt in his hand as he pressed their lips together. It was a surprisingly gentle kiss given the circumstances. A kiss filled with uncertainty but need. A need to show Seung-gil how important he was to him, how he really felt.

It wasn't that Seung-gil didn't like it. Honestly, kissing was one of the few things he was fine with, and Phichit's lips were surprisingly soft against his own. But he knew how it would end; the same way it always did. Seung-gil had gotten hurt too many times to let it happen again, especially with Phichit. It wasn't worth the pain that they'd both go through if he did this. Reluctantly, Seung-gil pressed his hands to Phichit's chest, pushing him back, their lips parting, "Exactly."

"Wh-What?" Phichit had never sounded so hurt, so confused, and Seung-gil was filled with so much regret. But it wasn't for pushing him away. No, it was regret for ever letting Phichit get so close, for letting things get this far and letting Phichit get hurt because of him. It still wasn't enough of an answer, though, Phichit looking away, "You said you felt the same, right? So, what's the problem?"

Seung-gil sighed softly. He knew he'd have to tell him the truth, that it was only fair for him to know after everything he'd been put through. It wasn't something Seung-gil normally told people. He never thought it was relevant, never put himself in situations where it could be relevant. But now, it seemed like the only way he could maybe make Phichit feel better, "I… I don't like… physical stuff. You deserve someone who can give you everything you want in a relationship, and I can't do that. Okay?"

Phichit stared at Seung-gil, his eyes wide and mouth agape. What he was thinking, he couldn't be certain, but as the silence stretched on between them, Seung-gil felt more and more uncomfortable, rubbing his arm and shifting nervously as he waited for Phichit to say something, anything. Surprisingly, Phichit didn't move away, though his voice was soft, gentle when he finally did speak, "You're asexual…"

"And you deserve someone who can make you feel as special as you are. Which isn't me. You get it now?" Seung-gil felt his stomach tie up in knots. He hated this feeling, knowing that he could have Phichit if he really wanted, but that he couldn't give him the things that would truly make him happy. There was something so cruel about it, the world giving him something he wanted, something he didn't even know he'd wanted, but something he wouldn't be able to keep. Phichit would only get tired of him in the end. Seung-gil wasn't naïve.

"So, what are you okay with?" Phichit hesitantly stepped closer, reaching out and tentatively brushing his fingers against Seung-gil's hand, "Is holding hands okay? Or hugs? Or um… or cuddling?" He froze, putting his hands to his mouth as it dawned on him, "Oh god, I kissed you, I'm sorry!"

Seung-gil had never been more confused. These weren't questions he normally got asked. Normally, he got the spiel. He got asked if he'd ever tried it, told that if he did, he'd change his mind. He'd even had a lovely conversation with someone who had been utterly dumbfounded as they tried to figure out what they were supposed to do if they got aroused at any point, and that it simply wasn't fair for Seung-gil not to put out if he was in a relationship. It was easier to just not bother. But Phichit wasn't asking about sex. He was asking about the little things, the things that Seung-gil really didn't mind. In fact, he liked them. They meant so much more than sex. They were intimate, and special, and they were things he cared so much more about.

Seeing how concerned Phichit was, he reached out, gently gripping his arm, "No, it's okay," He was careful, soft with his touch as he pulled Phichit's arm back, letting his fingers drift until he was threading them with his, "Kissing's okay. So is hand holding, and hugs, and you know, I'm kind of a sucker for cuddling. Don't tell anyone that." He looked away, staring down at their hands, "But that's not enough to keep you happy."

"That's for me to decide." Seung-gil looked back up when he heard the certainty of Phichit's voice, watching as he reached out and gently brushed dark hair away from Seung-gil's eyes, "I like you for who you are, not your body. Sure, physical stuff is good, but I don't need it. I wouldn't give up someone special for the sake of sex."

Seung-gil had never heard anyone say anything like that. It was always the other way around, always people telling him that he was selfish for never offering his body, that he couldn't possibly be with anyone if he wasn't willing to pleasure his partner. He'd never met anyone who didn't care, who wanted him just the same. Seung-gil stared at Phichit, unsure of what to say. What were you supposed to say in situations like this?

Phichit seemed to sense his uncertainty, smiling brightly and pulling Seung-gil into a hug, "Wanna take selfies and make people jealous of how cute we are? We can watch movies until we fall asleep. Keeping each other warm sounds nice."

Seung-gil was hesitant as he wrapped his arms around Phichit, listening to him. The answer had never been so simple to him. There was nothing he wanted more than to spend a night with Phichit, being able to care about him without the fear of what was expected of him getting in the way, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. Thank me when I get the perfect shot of us."


End file.
